He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
