Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
