In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
