dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
