just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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