it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
