no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
