She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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