home. puking in laundry basket.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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