hotel room ftw
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
