What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
