Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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