your parents love me but you hate me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
