I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
