Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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