I heard we made out
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
