Cold hands, warm shart.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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