You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
