On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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