Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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