just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
