Just cropdusted the office
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
