I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
