Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We need to get me chipped asap
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
