Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
