So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The air taste purple.
Randomize
