you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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