Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
