i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
