I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
