Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
