You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
