you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
