Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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