im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize