I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
