Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
