so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
