i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
