No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
