HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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