Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
