Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
