my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
