forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's always time for handjobs
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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