first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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