I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
