How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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