farters have to be the big spoon...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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