i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
