U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
