Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
