Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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