Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
