Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
