you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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