I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My liver just had a heart attack.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
