WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
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