oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
