Apparently you make a good broom.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
