I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
