i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
