hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
