My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
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Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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