Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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