i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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