Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
