Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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