ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
