your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
