i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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