I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
