I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
