i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The air was thick with penises
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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