Me too!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
time to smoke my breakfast
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Randomize
